chomp chomp...

Hello everyone!

I am back again to chew your brains. Chew them nice and slow and carefully so that it is easily digested because after all, I am not a cannibal by nature. It will take some time for me to get used to the dish on the menu called “Human Brain sans Spices”. Yeah I know the dish sounds crazy and complicated but then…the brain IS a pretty complicated thing, isn’t it? On the other hand, I myself have a tiny little brain which sometimes is incapable of processing information and deliver and hence I have to make up for it by chewing others’ brains and adding them to my stock. Pure business…nothing personal. :-D

But what surprised me the most was what some of my readers said. As it is, I was pleasantly surprised to know that people do read this incomprehensible rubbish that I write…as in they have the time to do so but what surprised me even more was the fact that they wanted more of it! Believe it or not, some of them actually asked me to write more often because they like reading my blog. The capability and capacity of human beings to indulge in self torture amazes me! But then again…if it wasn’t for readers like them…my blog would have just been another wandering webpage in cyberspace! All said and done, I thank all the readers who have read my blog and continue to do so. It feels nice. Now, before I get swayed by my emotions and start crying out of joy, let me move on…

I have been doing some thinking to kill time. I write this blog for myself. Crazy, irrelevant, good or bad…whatever it is, I write it for myself and hence there is no fixed guideline to guide it. But I was thinking of giving it a direction. Sarcasm and stupidity come to me naturally. I was born sarcastic and stupid I guess…but then that will be quite a combo won’t it? And all the readers who have the patience to sit through it, most probably because of the lack of anything better to do at that point in life, probably do so because my posts don’t follow the rules of demand and supply and I guess people do want a break from the monotony of life and these utterly insane pieces I write provide that. So I guess somewhere, unknowingly I AM following the rules of demand and supply my filling up the gap. But one earnest request readers, please leave your comments on the posts because I get to know that someone has read it. Feels nice you know? Specially for someone like me who writes for the bread, butter and other dishes that make up the meals. Oh, and that does not include the dish “Human Brains sans Spices”.

One thing I am certain about. I have a strange life. At least strange enough to weave it into a story and make a movie out of it. Now the movie sells or not is my lookout. But experience has reinstated my belief in the fact that strange stuff does sell and indeed…it sells well! And I can be a serious threat to Albert Einstein sometimes due to sheer presence of intellect! I will give you and example so that you understand it better. But do not…I repeat…do not laugh at it. Shut your nose, choke yourself, bury your face in the pillow or bite any part of your body to stop yourself but DO NOT LAUGH. I mean come on, just because you are intelligent, you do not have the right to make fun of those who lack it! Anyway, one fine day, I had to scribble something on a piece of paper because I was thinking of concepts and I couldn’t find a shred of paper…let alone a whole sheet. I looked everywhere but I couldn’t find any. So guess what I did? I took a blank printout. Yes, if you think this is funny, then you haven’t heard of what people around me are capable of. Another not so fine day, this other friend of mine was sitting with me to wrack his brains for ideas when I suddenly saw a flash of wisdom in his eyes and thought he had come up with something amazing when he looked at me and asked me a question that left me staring at him…blankly. The question was…when a hen lays an egg, does it grow in size between the time it is laid and the time it hatches? Some people surprise me even more! While I was in college, we had gone partying and there were ten people. Four couples and two singles. One of those singles happened to be the hopeless me…and the other was a girl. So circumstances forced to pretend to be a couple. So far so good. Then this so called female partner of mine decided to go on an overdose of whatever alcoholic beverage she was drinking and needless to say, was sloshed. She sat behind me on the bike (yes, I am so poor I can’t afford a car…can anyone donate one to me?) and I was riding slowly to prevent her from falling off because she was sleeping (I mean SOUND ASLEEP) with her head resting on my back. Suddenly she woke up and said “don’t worry…ride fast…if I fall, I will give you a missed call and you can pick me up!”

I told you my life is crazy! Ok…now I will not give you an overdose of my insanity and my life lest something similar happens to you. Besides…I have a little work and I am bored of writing this piece. For those who think I don’t work…I DO! Though I agree it is rare but I do. And if you liked this one then leave your comments. I promise I will be back real soon.

Adios.

Why doesn’t God pay taxes?!

(This piece is not written with the intention of hurting the sentiments of any ethnic group, religion or individual. It does not have any blasphemous intention either. It is just an attempt at harmless humor. Though, if it does hurt anyone’s sentiments or feelings, then I do apologize and before I begin…I would also like to extend the apologies to God himself and hope He takes it with a pinch of salt.)

Once again, my little T forms an inspiration for yet another piece of creative nonsense. An attempt at humor…but pointless nevertheless. The only thing this piece has to offer is a little bit of entertainment to anyone who’s bored in life.

We (little T and me) were talking and during conversation one of us just happened to mention how God must be amused and entertained by our story. And I am sure that ours is not the only story. There must be plenty more across the world that keep Him entertained. “The world is a stage….” this thing written by Shakespeare doesn’t hold so true in anyone else’s case! But then…for such top class entertainment at all times across various genres and time zones…shouldn’t there be an entertainment tax levied on him?! Then again, believers all around the world put forth their offerings in cash and kind to Him and that should attract an income tax, shouldn’t it? I mean…no offence but I am just looking at it from the point of view of a mere mortal who pays his taxes and has seen people pay taxes for income, entertainment and services which are of far inferior quality! Then with just top of line the line stuff…why are the taxes exempted?

The reason I think, is the fact that nobody in any revenue and tax department around the world has the guts to actually send Him summons for evasion of taxes and besides…the other problem is…what address does one send the summons to?! Though suing Him for evading taxes IS a solution since all lawyers apparently reside in the Devil’s domain and Lucifer definitely will be more than willing to help but the risk is that he may ask for the person’s soul in return. Not a cheap bargain now, is it?! In any case, I really don’t think mortals would want to sue God and risk enraging Him.

Hence He remains untouched by law…safe and secure from any legal action. I guess this is just one of the many fringe benefits of being God but I guess considering the amount of hard work that it takes to play God, this kind of leeway can be given. What do you say?

Adios.

may he rest in peace

When first I saw him he was

A little fur ball…

Black and white

Drooping ears…a nose so wet

He was named Chess

And as time flew

Into the family and in size

He grew…

Each morning he woke me up

As he snuggled into my blanket

His curly tail wagged with delight

Every time I came home!

With a grin on his face

And undying enthusiasm

He hunted insects…

Or at least tried to.

Corn and mangoes

Where things he loved

Besides chewing on his

Plastic toys…

Unruly he was

A real brat at times

But nonetheless adorable

With mischievous eyes

To spin around

And try to hold his tail

Was how he tried

To express his anger

Home was his kingdom

No part unexplored

He the undisputed king

Loved and pampered by all

But one fine day…

He decided to leave

Everyone stunned…

He left forever…

No time to prepare

For the sudden shock…

Not a chance to see him

For that one last time…

Now as he lies in his grave so deep

I feel he will just jump up barking

Come wagging his tail once again

Or maybe…I will have to just wait

For the truth to sync in…

my version of anti smoking...

Absolute rubbish!

Ok. Before I begin, please answer this: how much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, if a wood-chuck could chuck wood?

The answer is simple: a wood-chuck would chuck as much wood if a wood-chuck could chuck wood.

Now, that definitely made no sense, did that? I will be surprised if it did because in truth, that was absolute gibberish. Let me now come to the main topic. Rubbish or gibberish is something that is one can call an art. No I am not kidding. In fact, talking or writing absolute gibberish with complete finesse is a matter of a lot of practice and like any other skill, practice hones this skill as well!

People have been speaking bullshit (pardon my use of expletives, please) ever since the dawn of time and continue to do so at their convenience. What is not easily found is the finesse. Rubbish, if laced with a dash of the right tone and style can be extremely effective. It can con the world! Look at our politicians for example. They have been giving us the same gibberish through all these years and they still end up being in power. What is more surprising is the fact that we are the ones who put them there!

Most bosses also are extremely proficient at this and in fact, it is a kind of must have quality to have to become a boss! Oops! Did I give you a secret?! Sorry. Delete the file from your memory. Delete delete delete…! No offence to any boss. It is all in good spirit...

The profession I am into has taught me two things. First is that when one can’t convince a person with logic, he or she should confuse the person with utter crap. Second is that when one can’t be bedazzled with brilliance, it is best to baffle the person with bullshit (pardon me again) because that is the only way out! Let me now introduce myself. I am a copywriter. For those of you who do not know, my job is to write all the stuff that fills up your ears during the commercials! For Christ’s sake, absolute incomprehensible gibberish with total finesse is what forms my bread, butter, jam, omelets, sausages, coffee and sugar! Look at the effectiveness of fine rubbish…people actually believe that the brand ambassadors actually use the products they endorse! I mean, that too, in spite of subconsciously realizing that it isn’t true.

Absolute and good quality rubbish is pretty useful in real life too! It can get people out of really sticky situations and that too, unscathed! Sounds good? I know but then it requires skills that have to be polished over years. Lying confidently is one such sub art. When you lie, believe in it completely and the confidence will radiate on your face!

Because if one listens carefully, nothing in this world can be absolute rubbish unless one has spent countless hours perfecting the art. And all the while that one lies, one has to be aware of the string that is going to be built.

Now I am smiling to myself. Look at yourself. I am sitting here at three in the freaking morning because I am bored, writing this piece of trash (literally) and you’re actually reading it! No offence. Just kidding but now you know that people read through and listen to complete crap even without realizing it! I am planning to start coaching classes. Tell me if you want to join. The guarantee is that you will be a master at this art. And no…the guarantee is not rubbish. Tell me if you liked this piece or not. I shall wait.

Adios.

through the woods...

One fine day

I walked through the woods

Knowing not

What lay ahead…

Dry leaves crumpling

Under my feet

The birds chirping

In the trees massive…

Alone I walked

Through those woods

Waiting for someone

To accompany me…

The breeze was pleasant

The sweet scent of the wild

I wanted to lose myself

In the pleasant morn…

On reaching a gurgling brook

I came upon a little princess

Trying to pluck the apples

Off the highest branch…

Captivated I was

By the radiant face

The carefree air

That enveloped her…

As I approached she fled

Scared that I may mean harm

She peeped out

From behind the other tree…

I plucked and apple and

Asked her to take it

Hesitatingly she held out her hand

To take the tempting red apple…

Acquaintance blossomed into love

And now I only pray that

This walk through the woods

Should last to eternity…

Incredible…

That is one word that definitely sums up what life is all about!

I mean, things happen when they are least expected and it is good to know that things are looking up!

One thing that really adds to life is to have someone special…someone whom one can hold and talk to when things seem to go awry and nothing seems to work. With all due gratitude to God, I have found that person and I truly believe that anyone who finds the right person in life is extremely lucky because more than half the people across the world spend more than half their lives to find that right person and by the time they find the person, it is too late! Sometimes, that might even happen posthumously!

But for me, life has always had surprises in store and the biggest and the most pleasant is, was and will be her. She came in like that light at the end of the tunnel just when I had begun to think that I will never get out of there…

She reinstated my belief in live, love and things that are nice and coveted by all of us. At least, most of us. Sometimes she in my arms and sometimes, she is physically away from me but in the center of my heart, she always has her abode. And for the first time, I feel anchored to the shore. The feeling, needless to say, is marvelous and I want to cherish it till the last day I live. I had always heard that being in love was wonderful but for the first time, I am experiencing it myself.

Trust me, all those people who haven’t felt it yet, you don’t know what you’re missing out on in life. So take my advice, go out there and if there is someone whom you want to say something to then just say it out loud. Nothing works as good as saying things clearly and openly. Believe me, it will work, just like it did for me.

When that happens, do not forget to celebrate because if you do not celebrate when life gives you an opportunity to, then who knows…you might just run out of chances!

Ok? So go on and tell me how things went!

Adios.

Rendezvous with a vampire

One thing I would like to tell you before you read any further…vampires are not really as mean and violent and not even remotely as seductive as we make them out to be. In fact, a few of them are…vegetarian! Surprised? Read on to figure it out!

It happened a few years back. I was coming home from a friend’s place and it was really late. I didn’t have any other mode of transport save my lovely bike back then. So I hit the road. It had totally slipped my mind that it was Friday the 13th! Not that I really believed in ghosts and other paranormal creatures…till that night, that is.

On my way home, there is the biggest graveyard in the city. I have crossed countless times and when people said things like it was haunted, I just laughed it off! I had been there myself out of sheer curiosity and had never found anything even remotely scary. So I never believed the fact that ghosts of various kinds inhabited that patch.

That night, my bike just went dead right in front of the gate of that cemetery and 1.30 in the night, the bike going dead in the middle of the road can be quite annoying specially because there definitely wouldn’t be a mechanic around at that ungodly hour unless I decided to dig up the grave of a dead mechanic and wake him up from his slumber. Had absolutely no intention of doing that. So I started tinkering around with the bike, aided by my limited knowledge of engines and automobiles. This, needless to say went in vain.

Suddenly I heard a voice. “Hey buddy, need a hand?” said the voice. I was pretty startled by a voice coming out of nowhere. I turned around to discover a really tall gentleman standing behind me. I mean really tall because he was a good foot taller than me and I myself stand more than 6 feet above sea level! “Err…sir my engine seems to have conked off and I really don’t know where to find a mechanic around” I said…still a little surprised seeing the kind of clothes he was wearing and his general appearance, even besides the height. He wore a red and black cape with a high rise collar, a frilly shirt and pretty tight trousers. Looked like he had either stepped out of a period film or was headed for a theme party. But this was too late for someone to be HEADED to a party. Maybe he was going back home and like a good citizen, had stopped by to help. But then, he looked pretty well off and definitely not like a person who couldn’t afford the luxury of a swanky car. So in the name of sweet Jesus was he doing here at this hour of the night. Didn’t look too old either…maybe 30…not more. Anyway, I had other things to worry about so for the time being I decided to let it be.

He started poking and clanking around the engine and grunting when he came upon a jammed screw or bolt. Meanwhile, I was thirsty and there was no other place with the possibility of finding water so I stepped into the cemetery and looked around if there was a caretaker or anyone else around. There wasn’t a single living human soul around. But then I saw an earthen pot of water and a glass beside it. The water was pretty clean and the thirst was getting to me so I really couldn’t wait for mineral water. Hence I poured some into the glass and drank. The water was surprisingly refreshing. Looked around for a place to sit because I was bored and didn’t want to disturb the stranger in his work so I apologized to a grave and sat on one end of it. I lit up a cigarette and glanced around the whole place. A little mist and the rustle of leaves but nothing really unusual so I moved a little further up and leaned against the headstone. Was quite comfy and I almost started to doze off when the same voice scared the moonlight out of me suddenly! I mean come on, it was halfway through the night, I was sitting in a cemetery and here I had a guy who an unusually husky and hollow voice! I had every damn reason to be scared.

“I tried repairing it but it didn’t work! You will need a modern mechanic. They make machines so complicated nowadays! I remember, when I bought my car in 1832, I could repair it all by myself! Those automobiles were wonderful. They were simple and as wise people have truly said, beauty is simplicity” he said in an extremely preachy tone. I would have ignored what he said had it not been for the year that he mentioned. Did he just say 1832?!

Then it happened…”Oh and let me introduce myself, I am Vampire Lord Sipper”. My first reaction was to burst out laughing thinking it was a joke. He clearly didn’t like the idea of me taking his serious introduction as something to be laughed at so he promptly changed into a bat, circled around me twice and changed back to his human form again. I was, needless to say, shell shocked. “Now do you believe me?” he asked calmly. Did I now? I wanted to run but it felt like my feet were glued to the ground! So much for not believing in ghosts. “Oh and I think you should get off Wimpy’s grave. He really doesn’t like it and he can be a pretty nasty guy at times”. “Thanks Sipper, for getting this guy’s butt off my face. I owe you one bro!” came the sound from inside the grave.

“You look scared boy! Don’t worry, I wont dig my fangs into you and drink every drop of blood that runs in your veins till you run dry. I have turned vegetarian. You’re lucky and besides, I do not have a taste for smokers anyway!” he said casually with a grin. So much for comfort! “So, lad, tell me your name! It’s been really long since I have spoken to a human and since you two wheeler is not going to be repaired before morning anyway, let’s kill some time talking”. Great! I was sitting there with a vampire and now I was expected to entertain him till sunrise. But I had little choice so I listened to him ramble on. I have to admit, the chap was pretty interesting and had loads of things to talk about. The places he had visited, the people he had converted into vampires, his family, friends etc.

I couldn’t hold my curiosity any longer. “I have a couple of question mister err…what do I call you?” “You can call me Sipy! That’s what my friends call me!”
Awesome. Now I had befriended a vampire. I wondered how I managed to achieve such distinguished feats! No point so I moved on with my question.

“So Sipy, tell me something, what’s your blood group? I have always wondered!”
“Good and unusual question. All of us vampires have the same blood group. AB+ because when we drink blood, it is not really possible to segregate people based on their blood group. Hence it makes sense to be the universal receiver! See? Simple logic!”
Whoa! Even vampires had logic!
“And, if you don’t mind telling me…err…why exactly are you a veggie Sipy? I mean…no offence…in fact, I am glad that you have given up your blood thirst. It is indeed a wonderful thing. But I was just curious why”
Even as I said this I could hear an adage ring in my ears…CURIOSITY KILLS THE CAT.

Sipy looked hurt for a moment and then smiled “I will tell you. A hundred years ago, when I was in Germany, I had rented a plush apartment in the vampire locality of Berlin and right next door, my neighbors had this beautiful and seductive daughter named Isabelle. I loved her with all my heart. She was one gorgeous woman and made men, both mortals and vampires swoon over her! This liking of mine landed me in a brawl with her brother Kirsten one day. In that I lost my fangs so I went to Dr. Fixit, the most acclaimed dentist in the vampire community. He told me with a grave face that there was nothing that he could do for my fangs because they had been injured permanently at the roots. And you know, technology wasn’t all that developed back then. He had to perform a root canal on me and trust me, when you’re a vampire, root canals are extremely painful! Isabelle flatly refused to date a vampire sans the fangs because that would make a laughing stock out of her! I didn’t blame her though I was left heartbroken. I left Germany for India. Here, bought a little coffin, a small patch in this cemetery and ijust wanted to live in anonymity for eternity. To satiate my thirst, I tried drinking blood from the blood banks but that cold blood gave me a sore throat and I had to run to Dr. Peter Khopdi who’s in the fourth grave from mine. After a point of time I decided to give up blood in favor of fruit juice. Oh…that reminds me…here…take this…Real orange juice. I am sure you will like it. No preservatives and sugar…just pure juice!”
As he said that, he pulled out two one liter bottles from under his cape and handed one to me. Wow! This guy here could actually be the brand ambassador for Real!

“But there is another thing that bothers me…why do you turn into bats of all things? I mean…not a tiger, ostrich, chicken, blue whale, eagle…nothing! Just a bat?!” I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me again.

He grinned. “Look my boy, first of all, it’s easy, free and quick transportation. Second, who on earth doesn’t love to fly?! It is everyone’s fantasy! Plus since we generally live in dark places and anyway can’t allow even a drop of sunlight to touch us, so the sound waves help us find our way around. Otherwise we would have been quite accident prone! And since bats are scary looking creatures, it also adds to the scare value!”

That was an interesting piece of information! He asked me things that made him curious, like why were we humans scared of ghosts and what made us donate something as precious and delicious as blood? I answered to the best of my abilities and before either of us realized, the Sun had begun to rise. He hurriedly took leave and disappeared into his grave. I waited till the human mechanic opened his shop and I got my bike fixed. I also bought a few flowers and placed it on Sipy’s grave. May the nice chap rest in peace…till sunset. Don’t know, maybe somewhere, someday I will bump into him again.

Adios.

Being 23

So, what is it about being 23? To begin with, there is an extra candle on the birthday cake. There are more people who call in to wish because of the acquaintances made over the past year and it denotes the completion of yet another year on the face of planet Earth!

Things are pretty much the same with me except for the fact that I am 23 and now have a pretty neat job, a reasonably good place to stay and to top it all off, I have the best girlfriend a guy can ever want to have! Life’s pretty good and if you have any wood, timber or plywood around you then please touchwood on my behalf. On the surface, not much has changed and I am still the same person but deep within, things have turned a little different.

I guess it is the desire to stabilize because for the first time in my life I want to take life seriously and not hang by the hinges all the time. Now I know that my life belongs to someone too and it is time to start being more sensible. I have lots to thank God for and I guess He gave me the best birthday gift of all this year…and that too a wee k in advance!

Being 23 is about having a little more mature lookout towards life and moving on with the lessons that life has given in the past. Over the years the candles have increased, years have been added on and life has rolled. So far, I really never cared about which way life is headed and neither did I care much for life itself. Now I do.

I know that there is this one beautiful girl out there who’s waiting for me to get back home every evening safe and sound because she isn’t close to me right now. Who loves me but stays silent most of the time and this has made everything a lot different from what it used to be. Money has a different definition and it no more means a commodity to be spent thoughtlessly. Everything looks nice and bright and hopes have decided to fly high once again.

I am not saying that everything is perfect and life needs no improvement but then…as little T says, one can’t appreciate joy unless one has seen sorrow! So I guess the tensions of everyday life and work just add spice to the moments that I have to myself and am happy about. Since I have been 23 for very long, maybe I can tell you a little more in detail a few months later but as of now, life looks like worth living. I am going with the flow and hope the shores are nearby. Things at home are looking up occasionally and I hope even that happens a little more regularly because then life will be near perfection. Let’s see what happens. But as of now, I have my fingers crossed.

And to all those out there who’re 23 but want to hide their age for reasons unknown, c’mon…get a life! Be happy being 23!

Adios.

A strange birthday…

It’s past midnight. It’s my birthday and guess what I am doing? I am sitting in a bus and traveling! That is one amazing way to celebrate one’s birthday isn’t it??
Well, my little T did call me to wish me and that is the brightest part about the entire journey so far but then…it’s still a bus. And my physical frame has not really been made to fit into a bus I guess…
In fact I wonder how people fit so comfortably and cozily into the seats and still manage to have space to give their carnal desires an outlet! Yes, there is a couple right here which is deeply engrossed. In what? I shall not get into that lest kids be reading this.

So then…I turn 23. I am already feeling old! But this is the birthday that feels the most complete in all of those I do remember celebrating! I have a nice job…I have the best girlfriend (read little T) a guy can have and I am on a bus to meet my parents. Touchwood. And I love the fact that God is finally smiling at me. That’s awesome. Thanks Buddy!

Well, what tomorrow holds, I do not know but for now I do know that things seem complete. Though this nagging cough and cold I have had for the past couple of days has been getting on my nerves very literally, I am not complaining because God has given me a lot reason to rejoice and be happy. I don’t really want to be too greedy. This bus is supposed to hit Jaipur at an as ungodly hour as 3.30 in the morning but thankfully I am nocturnal so I don’t really have a problem. But then there is another journey from Jaipur to a place called Dausa which may take a little while longer. No issues…will do.
And well, since I do not have access to the internet right now so I shall put up this piece only once I reach. Which means that if you’re reading this, I am alive and safe. Now the question is, how am I typing this? The answer is on my laptop!

Calls have been pouring in for the past half an hour and though I am happy they have been but phone’s going low on charge!! And if this conks off then how will I speak to little T after that?!

Sorry for the interruption in the narration. The bus had stopped by at a place to eat and I was famished so had gone out to grab a bite and hence the break in the flow. Are the bus makers warped in the heads or am I too big? I really want someone to answer this for me because I can’t just find one! Leg space has been an omnipresent problem and that is one reason I like Volvos. So now the bus is running blitzkrieg on the road again like the driver really doesn’t want to see sunrise tomorrow. And I am bored. Besides, I also have to speak to little T. So then, what will happen? Will I reach Jaipur along with the other passengers and with the whacko driver behind the wheel? Or will we crash into something and perish? I really don’t want to perish right now because little T is coming down next month and I really don’t want to die without seeing her and holding her in my arms once…
Now that I have a reason to live, I really don’t want to die…so then…what will happen??
Well…the fact that you’re reading it right now is pretty much the answer! One hell of a drive that was. And hey little T…I love you.
Adios.

Finally…it’s US.

“Yes”. Now THAT is a magical word. It transforms two individuals into one couple. From you and me it becomes US.
I am riding the wave of joy in life right now. Touchwood.

It all happened on the night of 20th September. It came as an expected surprise. Yes, I know it sounds strange but that is what it was. A nearly eight month long wait came to an end. My little princess…little T said yes.

The story is long and I wouldn’t like to give you all the details because some of them are meant only for her and me to know and understand. Hence I will tell you what I think I can and should. Nearly three months ago, I asked her out. The answer was a polite but firm and flat NO. I hit the dead end. But as I always have believed, hope is what sustains life. So I was hopeful.

I was like that ant climbing up the ant hill. Slow and time consuming. Many times when I thought I had scaled the entire height finally, there was something that resulted in a setback. I had to start again. The reasons were genuine and the wait was painful. But then…so many things remained unsaid…
But it was somewhere that flickering hope that kept me going. God does exist and now I am sure he likes me. I may not be his favourite but he likes me for sure. And I thank him every bit for this joy.

Anyway…moving on…there were times when I thought I had lost it all and was back to square one but then, I was determined and as the wise ones have said, love can be the greatest motivation. So it indeed was. She is my strength and the strongest support I have. She is the biggest joy I have in life. Touchwood again. Anything for her.

Laughter, stupid jokes and anecdotes, tears, happiness…we shared a little of everything as friends but I wanted more. I wanted to belong to this girl and wanted her to belong to me. I wanted to tell her what that little princess meant to me. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. But she did want a relationship then. So that was that. Conversations gained momentum and so did my emotions.

Then came the 20th of September. I spoke to her and then started for home. She had told me that she would think and give me her decision by the end of that. I was in a hurry to reach home. So I zoomed past trucks, trailers, cars and other bikes. And reached home. There was no network on my phone. Christ!! I searched for the network and as soon as I got off my bike I had a message coming in from my little angel. It was a one line message which held the key to the greatest joy I have ever known. That one line said much more than an entire page. It said everything I wanted to hear. I couldn’t believe my eyes so I pinched myself and slapped myself real hard to ensure that I wasn’t in dreamland. I wasn’t! Yippppeeeeeeeeeeeee…
I didn’t know what to do. I felt like screaming out to the world. I wanted to jump…scream…howl…shout…run…jump again…dance (and I did do a little jig)…
That one word meant more to me than anything else ever has meant. Just want to say that I love her with every bit of the emotion I can muster and I hope this stays happy and smiling always. I want to grow old with her and walk the roads of life holding her hand forever...

Pray for US. Please. Thanks!
And Amen…

Adios.

Fear…

(for you little t)

It is an emotion which is common to all living species on the face of this wonderful planet. The strong, the weak, the clever, the dimwits, the successful, the unsuccessful, the glorious and the unsung…it has spared none from its influence. No matter how much one denies the existence of fear in oneself, deep down within everyone somewhere it does exist. I have it too!

For that matter Alexander, Napoleon, Hercules, Achilles or any other brave man ever alive in this world has known fear at some point of time in life for sure. So have I. It is of different kinds depending on the factors it arises from. There is the fear of death which results from the love of life, the fear of sorrow which can trace its roots to the craving for joy and various other innumerable forms. One of the most fearsome is the fear of loss. That loss may be materialistic or otherwise but a loss nevertheless. Though, if it is materialistic, it is comparatively easier to overcome than if it is otherwise.

So this piece is about the fear of loss. In one’s life, there are people. Among them are some who merely exist and a few who hold massive significance. I fear losing those of the latter kind because the former keep making their entries and exists and it really does not matter. But losing the ones who are important leaves behind a void which is at the risk of never being filled. The very thought is frightening. But that again is the bare truth of life. As for me, this bare truth has had a longer presence in my life than needed or asked for. I will not be lying that this fear has made me aware of its existence time and again. Now, once again, it is raising its ugly head. I do not know what to do.

Like sand slipping out of the gaps between the fingers, I can feel this slipping out of my hand. And all I can do is sit and watch like a mute spectator. Watch my life slipping away. It feels like I have been condemned to this by some higher power that a certain grudge against me. When people say that “where there is a will, there is a way”, I want to tell them to stop lying. Their senseless philosophy does not help because sometimes will is not something one can exercise. Especially when the power of making decisions lies with someone else. That is why I fear the emotional bond. Lady luck seems to be perennially upset with me for some reason known only to her. She walks into my life every single time assuring me of long term commitments and then deserts me and flies away to distant lands like a migratory bird. And she does not go alone. With her, she takes everything that is dear to me and that I hold closest to my heart and mind. Today again…it is one such similar occasion.

It is one thing not to know a joy at all but to know it and then lose it is extremely painful. It is true that what one does not know can not hurt one but after the knowledge of that joy, the pain increases exponentially. But still the smiles and grins remain on the face for the very reason that its absence may be noted by people who are very close. And I am saying this with reference to a particular incident so if you’re not associated with it, I will not be surprised to know that you can not make sense of whatever has been written or whatever is going to be written in this piece later. I do not blame you because if the right person reads it then that person will be able to derive sense out of this I am sure. What is precise communication if not the art of conveying a point to the intended recipient while keeping the other wondering?

I hate losing to mismatched competition. I mean isn’t it unfair to put level THREE against level ZERO…or maybe ONE?? I say it is. You may differ but I really do not care because my emotions and my life are on the line. Not yours.
I guess it is that point in life when I should just accept the reality that good things are short lived and I should stay away from them because of the impending pain. Good things never last in my case and I should be used to it by now but the fighter in me refuses to give up and accept defeat. He refuses to bow down till it delivers the fatal blow to the adversary. But the question here is…who is the adversary after all? Because level THREE can never be an adversary to me…I am just level ZERO! And if it is so then it shall not be a contest at all!
I shall lose and the fear of loss will humiliate me yet again…
If I have hated anything in my life then it is this fear because it has always won and proved itself right. Question is…why me? What have I done to offend life so much? I can not recall an answer.
Can you please answer this on my behalf? Please? Because I need to go now before I get carried away and the fear has a hearty laugh on my behalf. I leave with the hope that the fighter in me wins.

Adios.

Little T and Me...

Ok. Ground rules before you start reading this piece.
• You will not ask me for any names because I shall not give them to you.
• If you do have any comments to give, then please refrain because it is exclusively for her and she can choose to post her comments here on tell me over the phone. Just her.

Ok then…now I proceed with it…

The year was 2005 and I was a part of a team which had organized a seminar. She was there and that was the first time I met her. First impression: nice girl and really sweet! We started speaking on the phone and met a couple of times. She was seeing someone and so was I. So friendship was what it was. Then, because of the changes in the phone numbers, we lost touch. Regained it again after a couple of months and then lost it again. Suddenly, one day while browsing through a social networking website, sometime in September last year, something within me made me look for her. A guess what? She was there! So conversations and contact resumed and since then it has been pretty constant.

I had started working in the meanwhile and last April, she came down to the city for a brief holiday. We met for a couple of times. To be precise, three times. I realized she was beautiful. And different from most of the women I had come across. Soft, sensitive, childish, playful, mature, sensible, independent, lovable, genuine and innocent. She was untouched by the grime around. Fresh…clean and with eyes that sparkled with mischief. She was adorable.

I could feel myself get drawn to her but I could say nothing for more reasons than one. So I didn’t. But as luck would have it, today the situation is this: she is single, I have asked her out and she is unsure of accepting it. A little scared maybe and maybe she can’t muster the courage to take a chance and be hurt again. But it is this very tenderness of hers which makes her so adorable and endearing. I have called her the little princess, the angel and a host of other names but plainly put…she is amazing.

Now, it is 2007. Things with her feel perfect. They seem just right and she’s my little lucky mascot. When someone praises her, I feel elated. Like someone has said it to me and when she is crying…I feel like flying down to her to just hold her and tell her I will be there for her forever.

I want to be there for her all the time and prevent any occasion that makes a single tear drop from her eyes. She has beautiful eyes. It is now that I realize that I had been living an incomplete life all this while and her presence in it will make it so complete. So long as I have her in my life…I can stand and face anything because she is my biggest strength. I know her for what she is and she knows me for what I am and that I think makes things better because is cuts out the pretences. I have been craving to hear the magical sound of that one word…YES!

She has her reasons to delay her answer and I understand that completely but sometimes, in spite of realizing that the reason is logical, one feels a little impatient. That is the case here I guess. So little choice do I have other than wait. Which I will because compared to the entire lifetime, this wait seems really small.

I am waiting little T…I am waiting.

Adios.

Unspoken…

(to people I have known since the cradle and will continue to presume I know till my last moment on the funeral pyre)

Last night I wanted to speak. Though I didn’t really get to speak, it kind of cleared the mist a little. It made me accept bare truths of life in their purest and most detestable forms.

It is surprising how even when a person has volumes to speak, finding a willing ear is difficult and even in case one finds an ear like that, all…or at least most of what one wants to say goes unsaid…
It is surprising how one feels absolutely speechless because one realizes that the ear that one presumes is a listening ear, is in fact an ear that is deaf. And hence it gives an illusion of being attentive. One goes on speaking endlessly until realization dawns and then…there is silence. Partly from the shock of the realization and partly from resigning to the fact that THAT is the blatant truth.

It is then that one understands that there are a few things that would probably be understood by just one person who is very similar to oneself. Finding that one person in the milling crowd is an extremely tough task because the world is an extremely populated place. And even the guarantee that one will find such a person is missing. It just leaves life a little more complicated than it had been moments ago. But who said life ever laid its claim to simplicity? Life is a complicated beast by nature and simplicity is just a farce to lure the prey. After the discovery of the fact that the listening ear is actually deaf, a few additional questions pop up instead of unearthing the answers to the already existing questions.

The answers to those questions again, one would rather not delve into because it may just give rise to a few more questions. Life becomes a vicious circle. The pile of questions and answers seem grossly mismatched with the questions clearly with an upper hand. I have come across countless ears that seem attentive but turn out to be deaf but the quest is on to find that one person with a genuinely attentive ear. Instead of losing hope with every lost battle, my fervor to find that one person increases manifold. The quest is renewed. Now I finally feel I have found that one attentive ear. But everyone has a private space which is never open to intrusion of any kind and in my anxiety to speak; I do not want to overstep that line. It is at moments like these that one seeks divine intervention to point out the opportune moment to start speaking. So I am praying.

Please join in my prayers…for my sake and yours so that you also find the right person, if you haven’t already and understand when that right moment arrives. I shall be obliged.

Adios.

Kolkata…

On this planet which is covered seventy five percent by water, there is a piece of land by the banks of the Ganges which has, over time, grown into a bustling city.
Welcome to Kolkata. Welcome to the city of Joy.

Though I belong to that city in the true sense and can trace my ancestral routes to that city, I have never really stayed there for too long at a stretch. For that matter, I have never stayed for too long in any one city. I have been on the move ever since I remember, like a gypsy in the search of new abodes but strangely I have always had an abstract fascination to that city. It akin to the fascination that attraction that a child had to the moon shimmering in all its glory in the sky…though that moon has its own dark spots!

Every time I have been to that city, I have discovered something new. My latest discovery was a fairy. She is beautiful in the very sense of the word. But that is an entirely different topic and I shall now come back to the subject at hand.

Kolkata. This city has had its share of ups and downs. From the capital of the country during the colonial rule of Great Britain, it has now been reduced to the status of a city in shambles. Though, in its true sense, the city is growing in leaps and bounds but the image of this city lies tainted forever. Sad but true. It now has the stature of a city that is laid back and still basks in the glorious past. And this I am saying at the risk of attracting the ire of those who are in love with the city. I too, am somewhere in love with it but I guess the long period of separation has left me more susceptible to noticing the flaws.

Let me tell you about Kolkata today. It is a city like any other buzzing metropolitan with an active day and night life. On one hand is the metro rail which transports people at tremendous speed and on the other hand there is the tram which runs on rails laid out on the road and as a result is painfully slow. It is more like a reminder of the times when leisure was not such a precious commodity. On one hand are the gigantic buildings from the Victorian ages and on the other, there are towering skyscrapers. The air of the city is friendly and due to the ceaseless influx of people, it has developed a sense of acceptance to people of all races, casts and creeds. The weather is humid most of the year and though in the summers it isn’t very hot in terms of the temperature, the sweat can get to you. Winters however, are pleasant. Rains leave the city drenched in water, sand and sometimes…grime. But the city is beautiful nevertheless.

One distinctive trait of the city however is the food. It is amazing how inexpensive the food is! Remember, it is inexpensive but not cheap. Quality reigns supreme.
Infinite variety presents itself to the palate. The only hitch is that predominantly, the food is non vegetarian. So, for absolute carnivores like me, it is paradise. But for the ones who love animals it is a little difficult. Though, most dishes now have vegetarian avatars so survival doesn’t translate into a question mark.
There are restaurants on Park Street which are exorbitantly high priced and at the same time, food stalls and smaller eateries. The difference is the ambience. And coming to sweets, it is heaven for a person with a sweet tooth. The array available is mind boggling.
Specially the Roshogollas, Sandesh, sweetened curd and in the quick snacks, it is the Phhuchkas, Egg Rolls, Churmur and Jhaal Muri that stand apart.

Basically, in spite of the shortcomings, there are certain things that are nice about the city. So then, pay it a visit once when you want to go on a vacation. I guess you will like it!
See you there then.

Adios.

Consistency is the word…

It was a pleasant surprise to know that people read what I write here. That gives me a hope that I can probably make a mark someday as a writer. But in every creative profession, there are accolades and there is criticism. And constructive criticism can indeed be beneficial to honing the skills.

One such reader came up to me today and said that though my pieces were interesting, one major factor which was lacking was consistency of thoughts and lines. Honest opinions are always welcome so I am grateful. Going by the feedback, let me now address the issue of consistency.

The human mind is a strange thing. It can go to unfathomable depths of imagination and then can spring back to being abhorrently shallow in a split second. That is how rapidly this amazing organ can fluctuate. Hence, to keep the mind focused and consistent is a Herculean task.

That is what it is all about, actually. Consistency is the name of the game. As we grow older, the level of consistency and the ability to focus increases up to a certain age and after it has reached the crescendo, the process of regression beings. Consistency is something that comes naturally to some while for the restless people like me, it is a laborious effort. But again, the profession that I am in demands this consistency because the readers’ thoughts are in a certain flow while reading and sudden drops and rises in levels of intensity might not really be a welcome experience.

My mind sometimes seems to me like a wild untamed beast which will resist any attempt to put a leash on it. And it is that very leash which forms a trademark for accomplished writers. Hence, it is not a matter of choice but compulsion. Besides, it lends a certain structure which keeps everything in line. The key is to curtail the fluctuation and weave the thoughts to form a fabric with no loose ends. Now that I know it, hope I can work on it. In the meanwhile, as I said, genuine and constructive suggestions are welcome.

Adios.

Dreams unlimited

I just woke up with a start because I dreamt of my little t and that is the reason I am writing this right now.

I was just wondering…thinking about dreams. All of us dream. Some, while awake, some, while asleep and some…all the time. Nevertheless, we all dream. Unspoken emotions, unfulfilled desires, unaccomplished aspirations…they all form a part of our dreams. Some we forget we even saw, some we remember for a while and some (very few, though) we remember for a lifetime.

Then again, there are ones we choose to forget and try to ignore, lest they awaken some forbidden desires. Sweet dreams and nightmares form a part of our lives from the cradle to the grave. Mostly, the incidents in the day inspire the dreams that we see while asleep. Then again, there are in the dreamland while they are wide awake! To add to the complications, people have also mastered the art of interpreting the meaning of dreams. How true or close are the interpretations, nobody knows. But people claim that every dream has a meaning. Now…little t once told me that she had dreamt of a cockroach chasing her through unknown alleys and roads. Will someone explain to me what on earth was that supposed to mean?? I too have had innumerable dreams which will need some whacko psyched out specimen of the species homo-sapiens to decipher!

The human mind is an eccentric genius in itself. It has a ceaseless capacity to imagine and generate alternate realities. And even more surprising is the capacity of the subconscious mind to maneuver and manipulate the conscious mind. Like right now…
I mean whatever I have written in this piece so far and whatever is about to be written might sound like absolute gibberish to anyone who is interested enough in reading this but right now…honestly…I am half asleep. So if you find any spelling errors, you’re conveniently supposed to ignore it and read on. Ok? Good.
I mean, what else do you expect at 5 in the freaking morning?!

People smile while dreaming, they shriek and some of them even talk, (Christ! It reminds me of my ex roommate who spoke incoherent trash more while asleep than when he was wide awake!) while to the world, they are blissfully asleep. Now, THAT is eerie. And someone told me ghosts are strange! Yeah…right!

Dreams float like the cottony clouds in the mind space till they either rain or they move on. Countless songs of various genres have been inspired completely by dreams!

Ok…I will have to end this piece here…
Thank you for having read this fully. Now, I am feeling sleepy so I shall tell you more when I am a little more awake than I am right now. Meanwhile, may you have sweet dreams. Amen.

Adios.

Love spells

(To little t, who makes a lot of difference.)


Take a red rose. Wrap in with a green cotton cloth and take the name of the person you love fifty times. Then put this wrapped up rose under your pillow and keep it there for a fortnight. The person you love will come into your life.

Take a maple leaf (how on earth will I find a maple leaf in this country?!), write the name of the person you love on it and set it on fire. Chant the name of the person love all the while. Rub the ash over his/her photograph. Your love life will get rolling.

Just a couple of examples of such abundant “love spells” one may find on the internet and in books which are readily available. How much do they work? That’s a question I guess most of us will not have an answer to. I mean, logically, it seems so funny that in the 21st century, people still believe in love spells…but then again…when has anyone in love ever believed in logic in the first place?!

Though, one thing is certain…it definitely fuels a person’s dream. That’s a reason why I guess people still try it. I mean…think of it…if I know that I am in love and the person I am in love with, doesn’t want to have any romance in her life, then there I sweet nothing I can do about it besides tell her, do things to prove it and wait! But these love spells pretend to give me the power to get into her mind for a while and change her perception about life, about love and most importantly…about us! By tickling one’s imagination, it gives one an illusion that one can get into the mind of the person he/she loves and be a turbine to propel his/her emotions towards oneself. In spite of all skepticism about its effectiveness, somewhere one wants to believe it works. Because that person means so much that one is ready to do anything to make it work. I have experienced it myself about little t (no, I shall not tell you who little t is because she will understand it when she reads this!).

But at the end one realizes it is crazy. Yes, that is what it is in a nutshell. Crazy. They don’t work. These spells make business by selling hope. That’s what they do. Life survives on hope and so does this. These spells are ubiquitous and nobody wants to believe the fact that they are useless because of hope. Isn’t it strange how we sometimes have faith in such things in spite of all the science around us?! Hmmm…

And if anybody can give me one freaking spell that works then I shall be grateful to the person eternally. C’mon…show me it works. And if you can’t then shut up and sit down (well…you can stand too!). All that’s there are you, your loved one and your capacity to win that person over. Period. Life is no super human story or fairy tale where things happen by themselves. One has to make them happen. What do you say? Though, I secretly (now the secret is open, though) I hope that there is at least one spell that works for Heaven’s sake!

With that hope…now I end because I have to dream for her now. Sorry…dream time is exclusively for her. No visitors allowed. Meanwhile, go see if you discover any spell that works.

Sheesh…some outburst this was! Sometimes, emotions just force themselves out in words. Sorry if it wasn’t interesting. It wasn’t meant to be. I will try making it more interesting to read next time because right now I am writing it for myself. All the best with the hunt though.
See you later everyone (who’s reading this)!

Adios.

White lies and half truths

In the world, there are three kinds of facts. The usual black, white and grey.

Let me start with the first one. It is called the truth and it dwells on the extreme white end of the spectrum. It is all about presenting facts without any changes. Though the easiest to remember, sometimes it gets a little drab because it does not add any spice to life. And hence, very few people across the world stick to it.

Then again, on the other end of the spectrum, the black end, are lies. Complete fabrications coming to play. Lying (like most other things which are black) is interesting because it gives an outlet to fragments of creativity which inhabit your system. But as wise people will tell you, it is not a good habit to lie because it destroys your ability to be truthful.

Somewhere between these two extremes, in the grey area, lies what we call “white lies” or “half truth”. When on one hand complete truth sounds angelic and divine and outright lies sound devilish and bad, “white lies” sound human. That is one reason I guess we humans relate to it so effortlessly. Now, the question is what on earth are “white lies”?
It is the perfect genetic hybrid between truth and a lie. It is fascinating, interesting and creative and gets much closer to complete truth than a lie ever can! It is an art. An art that reaches perfection only with constant practice. Just “white lies” are different and “white lies” with finesse is a totally different ball game. They are fondly referred to as HALF TRUTH. That name sounds so much nicer and suddenly adds a degree of credibility and legitimacy to it. But essentially, they are both the same!

For the benefit of the people who are not really able to comprehend what I am rambling on about, let me give you an example…
If my mom calls me at one in the night and asks me if I am home, I may say yes. But that essentially does not mean I am at my place! I may even be at my friend’s place…which is also someone's home! See?? THAT is the difference. And that statement was an example. It is NOT to be taken literally.

The best part is…one always can come up with a logical defence for “white lies”! It is foolproof!
Over the years, I have known many people who excel at the art of getting away with “white lies”. Trust me, they are masters of this fine art. Though I have to agree, that sometimes, it is essential. Coming to think of it, I as an individual do not really have much choice. I have to be fluent with this art because it is my bread and butter (and jam, sausages, coffee and biscuits too!). I mean, if I do not convince the consumers then I will starve. That maybe another reason why I am defending “white lies” so much. Another reason is that this particular brand of lies adds to a person’s creativity. It titillates the mind and helps one’s imagination expand manifold.

Whatever written and read, I guess it is the best to be at the middle of the spectrum instead of either ends because being in the grey area ensures that there is a buffer on both sides. All of you who have successfully tried your hand at this art will agree with me in all probability. In retrospect, I think “white lies” have sometimes really helped me get away by the skin of my teeth!
And partly, as I just said a while ago, it is professional.

Go on…indulge. But do so carefully lest you step on the wrong side of the line. Walk the line if you wish to but be cautious so you do not topple!

Adios.

linguistic limitations...

(With due credits to my Little T for being my ubiquitous inspiration. Love you baby!)

It is said that humans in the Stone Age faced difficulties expressing themselves because their ability to communicate was limited by the absence of languages!
And then they gave up their Bohemian life to settle down. Simple inventions simplified life so that more time to think and develop the languages that we know today. Well…some languages did have a short lived shelf life…but the others survived and prospered.

Then the languages adapted themselves to the surroundings and dialects developed. Some dialects found a script and some didn’t. And even today, there are languages that do have a written form! Strange! So people who speak that language will never have to face the problem of illiteracy. That sounds good and bright…doesn’t it?

And now I come to the trillion dollar question. Yes…the trillion dollar question (coming to think of it, that’s a LOT of money!). Have languages really enabled us to overcome our problems of communicating? The answer, as I see it, is an all encompassing NO! It hasn’t definitely added to the handicap…but it hasn’t been of much help either. Though, ironically enough, I am using one of those very languages to write this piece. But that is not what I am talking about. Giving words to emotions and thoughts is not what I am referring to. What I mean to say is…languages flatten our thoughts and emotions to a large extent.

Ok, let me explain. Now…there is this little princess whom I love a lot. When I do tell her that I love her, I can say…maybe…”I love you”…or…”I love you a lot”…or (getting in a little more variation within the limitations of language)…”I really love you”. But that’s more or less it! I mean, I can’t really express the intensity of what I feel for her. And the language doesn’t even go deep enough. HOW MUCH is a factor that a language conveniently ignores. I will not be surprised if even now I am unable to express the intensity of what I am writing. In spite of being a copywriter…I can’t really overcome the flaws which exist in a language’s foundation, isn’t it?

It would have such a utopian world if telepathy was a regular phenomenon. We would have saved so much time…not trying to explain the inexplicable. Things would just have been understood! Like two minds communicating between themselves without the presence of any language to forma hindrance. Only wish…wish it would have been like that. Life would have been even simpler.

But then again…I guess a little complication adds that extra spice to life, isn’t it? So though…there are certain problems that a language gives rise to…but then there are nice and sweet things like poetry which would have been non existent without languages. What do you say?

Anyway, it is late and I am hungry. So I will leave you with this little food for thought while go and grab a bite to eat!

Adios.

hmmm...

It’s strange. I mean the human race in general. And since I happen to be a part of the same race, I guess I am a little strange too.

Like for example, it is said that one should make hay when the Sun shines but if you actually do that then you are branded an opportunist! And then again…there is so much talk of professionalism in this world but coming to think of it, it is all very much personal at the end of the day. Everything in this whole wide world is based on rapport.
Good personal relations in this world ensure good work too!

To sort out all this confusion in life, I had a chat with God. I was sitting alone in my room when out of the blue He dropped by. It was a little eerie at first. But then we got talking. For him, surprisingly, everything was really simple. But I being a mere mortal of course couldn’t understand His deeper plans! Seemed like a mist to me.

So he sat down to explain the things to me. But even his explanation was at a plane that couldn’t really reach…I could just aspire to. We spoke for a long time. A real long time. He put his viewpoint forward and I put mine in front of him. Apparently, even He has appointments with people. The thing is that He decides whom to meet and when and where. Oh…and He loves coffee by the way!

With that the conversation moved on and somewhere in the middle, I fell asleep. When I woke up He wasn’t around. So I am now waiting for the day when He pays me a visit again!

So till then…

Adios.

crazy caffeine

It’s brown. It’s strong. It’s creamy. And interesting company and stimulating conversation increases its potency! Million dollar question is…what on the beautiful earth (currently suffering from global warming and pollution) am I talking about? To the ones who have guessed…congratulations. To the ones who haven’t…I will just tell you. I am talking of coffee! Bitter…brown…brilliant…beverage…that’s coffee for you.

I am supposed to work on a campaign for Coffee Board in India. And all the research has driven me over the top. Even my little princess is busy writing an article so I don’t want to disturb her. So meanwhile…I shall feast upon your grey cells by telling you about coffee. And give you food for thought in return. So sit down, relax and read on about coffee with a cup of coffee in your hand!

There is probably no person on this planet who has never tasted coffee in his/her life. If there is…then he/she has a really sad life. It’s probably the most sensuous beverage in the world. Conversations gain momentum over cups of coffee. Acquaintances are made of steaming hot mugs of espressos or creamy glasses of cold coffee!

There have been various descriptions of this amazing beverage…and here is one of the oldest ever recorded!
In 1583, Leonhard Rauwolf, a German physician, after returning from a ten-year trip to the Near East, gave this description of coffee:

“A beverage as black as ink, useful against numerous illnesses, particularly those of the stomach. Its consumers take it in the morning, quite frankly, in a porcelain cup that is passed around and from which each one drinks a cupful. It is composed of water and the fruit from a bush called bunnu.”

Today, coffee has a global presence. And it is surprising that this universal drink had its earliest roots in the small little country that the world calls Ethiopia! That too, as early as the 9th century!

Someone just walked in with a cup full of coffee from the vending machine. I don’t really like the coffee actually because I like it strong and the coffee from the vending machines is really bland.

In some ways, coffee is like women. Rich in color, intoxicating, beautiful, irresistible and occasionally…bitter. And since I like….actually…respect women with a strong mind, hence I like strong coffee! Now, where did such a sensuous name originate from? Good question. It came about from the Italian word caffé, which in turn was borrowed from the Ottoman Turkish word kavah.

Coffee also comes in handy when a guy is unsure about how to ask a girl out. “Can we go have a cup of coffee?” is a question that makes things sound so much simpler! Coffee has a certain, inexplicable romance attached to it. A rainy afternoon, a hot cup of coffee, dim lights and a book…sounds perfect! Ideas have emerged over cups of coffee. Rebellions have been planned! And the emergence of coffee houses all across the country had given the intelligentsia to gather at one place and raise a storm in a tea…err…coffee cup! So many songs have been dedicated to this wonderful drink! Besides…coffee has been used in ice creams, chocolates, cocktails and God alone knows what else. The usage is not limited to edible recipes only…it is also used to cut through the olfactory nerves when one is trying out perfumes because coffee can cut through smell.

And coffee has good and bad effects on health too! The negative effects are primarily due to Caffeine and the positive ones (I don't know what causes them, though) are that it reduces the risk of Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and a whole lot of other diseases!

Sheesh! i have actually been sermonising!
In short…coffee has a lot to be written about and that just reminds me…I have to head back to work. I hope you have finished you cup of coffee and I have chewed thoroughly on you brains. If I haven’t, do let me know because I haven’t then I shall be back to chew a little more on what’s remaining of you brain. Right now, I have to rush…my coffee awaits me!

Adios.

The case of the lost identity

(This story is a work of fiction but may bear resemblance to people living and dead.)

He walked into his office groggily at 11 in the morning. Being half dazed wasn’t really an exceptional thing considering sleep was a scarce commodity and the reasons for that were innumerable. His chair, as usual was missing. Grabbing a chair from the next workstation, he sat down. He put on the button on his comp and sat staring blankly at the screen.

At 24, if someone asked him what he wanted from life, he probably wouldn’t have had an answer. Theoretically, he could see it all sorted out. Finances, romance, career, life and everything else that mattered. The job was good and so was the money. There was an angel in life…though she hadn’t quite become his girl…but he was working on it. And he was hopeful. But in reality…it was all one big scattered jigsaw puzzle. One labyrinth he couldn’t find the way out of. Strange that a person who could visualize life so clearly, couldn’t reach the destination!

His questions to life seemed to disappear somewhere in the fathomless depths of the ocean. Anyway, giving in to reality that stared him in the face…he sat down to work. Work…now THAT was an interesting term, considering that was pretty much what he had in life. Home. Work. Work. Home.

And this hustle bustle of life, which had gradually given way to monotony, he had lost something very dear to him. Something essential. His identity. Who was he? The question gave way to a deathly silence. He wracked his brains and thought hard but the deafening silence continued its advance on the noise. Sitting there in that office, he was experiencing Brownian movement. Nobody there could even remotely estimate what was going on within him. He was restless.

He thought of the past. He thought of the bright spots that seemed to provide the only light which gave him the strength to fight. Sitting there, he thought if he had always been so clueless about life. The answer, definitely, was NO. Then where had he lost his way? And when? He couldn’t seem to remember.

Today, when identity has been converted into a commodity, he did not possess it. On one hand, it was good because he could disappear into the lanes of anonymity when he was tired of the rat race. He was untraceable. But sometimes…he wanted to be discovered. He wanted to be known by people. Life had put him into a fix. And he was the one who had to find the way out because otherwise he would undergo slow suffocation. He could already feel the pain. Then suddenly…he saw that face. His little angel. He loved her. He adored her. He wanted to share his life with her. But alas! Words sometimes, fell too short to tell her how much she meant. He stared at her photograph…lost in her thoughts. Her voice rang in his ears like the chirping of birds on a spring morning.

Sitting there, he made a decision. He was called indecisive but this time, he knew he would never decide on anything more firmly than this. He decided to set out on the quest to discover his identity. Not his name or what the world thought of him but to find out who he actually was. He asked his princess to walk with him. The journey will be tough without her support. He knew he could take care of her.

Did she walk holding his hand on the paved and unpaved lanes of life? I do not know. But he is already on the quest and I haven’t heard from the princess in a while. I…happen to be an optimist. Rest is open to interpretation…
If you find his identity…call him on 1800 1600 1600

And if you don’t…then he will find it himself. And he will come back.

Adios.

The autobiography of a dust bin...

First…for those of you who understand Hindi: “Mujhe Naaz pe naaz hai”
For those of you who don’t understand the language…well…ask someone to translate it for you! I wonder what I would have done if my little angel wasn’t around! She is the source of constant inspiration and the brains behind these crazy pieces…I just punch it out in the language called English!! Thank you darling :)

Ok, now moving on with the piece. I shall now hand the keyboard over to the Dust Bin, who is very keen on telling you his story…

Hi. I am a Dust Bin. You may have come across me at your home, on the road and various other mentionable and unmentionable places. I have various forms…I can look like a penguin, an aluminum trash can, a plastic bucket and a whole lot of other things.

Now, people put me in a corner and just forget me unless they have some trash. Basically, they give me crap all the time! Though…technically, I am a DUST BIN so I am supposed to collect only DUST but people stuff me with all kinds of absolute garbage!

To top it off, they don’t clean me up! And by the end of the day I am so stuffed that I can’t really eat any more! That excessive garbage accumulation also forces me to take on the role of a home to different living beings like rats, mice, dogs and many people that I will rather not mention! But yeah, I kind of like the variety because after all, who doesn’t want some variation in their diet?? That’s what one may call a balanced diet.

If your are wondering about what I am getting at, then stop wondering because I am not getting anywhere. I am a DUST BIN, remember…so I get crap and I TALK rubbish! Well, don’t blame me for ! have you ever figured what would have happened if I did not exist in the world? Where would all the garbage have gone? But not that now people don’t have it going all over the place like the roads, pavements and various other places.

This was about in general as a dust bin. Now, about my personal life. Have had a pretty strange one. I am made out of an old carton meant for more worthy things in its lifetime but for some reason people thought I would suit this job profile better…and it was anyway a brighter option considering that the other was being spread out and used as a doormat! So I don’t really remember when I was born but I have been meticulously keeping this room clean for the past six months. And though I don’t have any exercise the whole day, considering I don’t have legs to move around, thankfully I do not put on any weight because of my super fast metabolism, I guess.

I remember one day when this kid had thrown a half eaten pepperoni pizza in my mouth and it was absolutely yum. In fact, I always wait for those big parties that my employers throw once in a while because I get to eat brilliant food for a change.
Oh…and my height is two feet and the complexion is wheatish. Religion…ummm…well I am not too particular about that because I collect garbage anyway!
Recently, I had a massive crush on this rag-picker who used to empty my contents in the morning because she was the only one in the whole wide world who didn’t give me garbage. Instead, she took it from me. One gorgeous girl she was! Shy that I am, I could never express how much I loved her…and besides, I was a mere dust bin. I remember waiting for her to arrive in the morning, like the warm rays of sunlight after a cold, dark night. But then, I am a dust bin and not destined to be happy so one morning I heard her mushy talk with the man servant upstairs and before I could realize, they got romantically involved and got married! Now they work at the same house and she lives with the employers’ family upstairs. It hurts to know that she is someone else’s girl now! Bhoo hoo hoo…(oops! I can’t cry because that makes the cardboard rot and wither).

I like the dog next door and the female dog (just trying to be politically correct) at my home too! They keep sniffing at me and give me a little peck on the cheek once in a while (though, with the kind of shape I have, it’s a little difficult to figure out where my cheeks really are)…just like they do to the humans! They are getting married next month and I overheard both the families plan to give me a promotion. A dust bin getting a promotion? Doesn’t make sense, right? Well…this is how. I generally collect only dry garbage. So I am pretty clean. And both the families have run out of boxes. The few that ARE remaining are too small. So I shall be cleaned, given a new cover and be upgraded to be the home for the newly married couple and the cradle for their beautiful little babies! Whoa! What bliss. Life IS good indeed sometimes. And did I mention that there is a new rag picker and she is even more sweet! So well, life is, I guess…looking up finally.

Anyway…my job beckons and besides, I have twisted my cardboard fingers…typing. So you all pray for me while go and take some more crap. And now it’s over to this human sitting beside me.

Hey guys…it’s me…Shom…back again. Well, Dustin (that’s what I have christened the dust bin and I wonder what Hoffman will have to say to that) has gone back to work and I am too bored to write. Have a headache. So I am off and I shall think of something and write the next entry myself. Take care, eat drink and make merry till then.

Adios.

Feelin' BLUE

Yesterday was a Monday. I was wearing blue. So what, you may ask. You don’t get it…do you? It was the symbolic representation of Monday morning blues. Strangely enough, quite a few other people were also wearing blue! And that’s what finally kicked off this piece. But the idea came from a beautiful angel I know.

After having read my piece on apples (if you haven’t read it yet, then just scroll down…it’s right there)…my special friend…yeah the same one who reminded me of the “apple of the eye” phrase…had given me the idea of writing a piece on blue. Without her suggestion, this piece wouldn’t have come into existence. Thank you honey…love you for this.

Anyway…moving on with the actual topic without any further diversion…I sometimes wonder why the color blue is treated so unfairly! I mean, just imagine, the unwillingness to go to the office on the groggy Monday mornings is called Monday morning BLUES (that too, in plural!). Why can’t it be called the Monday morning pinks…or Monday morning REDS (which in fact makes more sense because red is also the color associated with anger, stop, etc. and it suits the mood of the Monday mornings more!)

And then again…it is said that a person is beaten black and BLUE. I am sure the person who coined the term was color blind…because it is NOT blue, in fact it is a dark purple. I have seen that on plenty of faces! But that I guess is a convention that this language has been following for a little too long.

Now, why is feeling BLUE considered to be a negative expression? I mean, if blue is my favourite color then I may feel blue when I am the HAPPIEST! See? But since I am bound by the conventions of language again, I have to feel blue ONLY when I am sad. THAT in fact is sad.

And blue also happens to be the color of carnal desires…and trust me…Viagra has used the properties of the color to the maximum. Now, why can’t spirituality or maybe divinity be represented by blue? Strange!

Strangely, the royalty gladly attached themselves to this color, calling themselves BLUE blood. Now, will someone please come and show me what BLUE BLOOD looks like? I have just seen RED (blood with hemoglobin) and WHITE (blood sans hemoglobin) versions. Coming to think of it…BLUE might not really be the color I want, running through my veins, irrespective of how much I love that color!

Though, the saving grace is the fact that there still are a few expressions which are a little neutral…like “out of the BLUE”…which may also refer to a pleasant surprise! And “once in a BLUE moon” which again would have sounded strange if it was “once in a RED moon or GREEN moon”. Sounds jarring to the ears, doesn’t it? And...I guess someone, at some point of time, had felt like the way I am feeling right now and had hence created the expression "BLUE EYED"...which probably is the only positive connotation attached to the color. But...I don't really mind hazel, black or brown eyes either! In fact, my little angelic friend, who gave me the idea of this piece has simply awesome eyes! And they are not blue!! See?

But honestly…the color deserves a little more respect considering half the nations in this world feel blue…because blue is the color used for 50% of the flags of countries across the world! The two other most popular colors are red and white which appear on 74% and 71% of the flags respectively!

Anyway, I won’t stretch this piece to an extent that you turn blue in the face because of lack of oxygen in your respiratory track. So I shall take your leave now.

Adios.